


lost cities

by sinfultoptyler



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Josh, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Break Up, Cheating, Codependency, Depression, Drug Abuse, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-24 13:58:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8374771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfultoptyler/pseuds/sinfultoptyler
Summary: till death do we part.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings for suicide, drug/alcohol use, rape/non-con, and abuse.

tyler didn't remember when it started to get bad. it was pretty sudden, because it felt as though he went to bed one day when it was fine and when he woke the next, all hell had broken loose.

 

josh got distant. really distant. he started working night shifts and he wouldn't get home until three a.m and tyler swore he smelled alcohol on his breath (every time he asked, josh would bite back with a "you know i've been sober for five months tyler. don't be stupid"). he started sleeping on the couch. when tyler asked, all he said was "it's mine damn life" and it scared tyler. the way his voice cut into his skin, made its way into his body, reminding him of how much everyone  _hated_ him. 

 

but worst of all... josh started coming home, smelling like perfume, hair mused, fucking  _lipstick_ stains still on his neck. at night, while josh was drunkenly passed out on the couch, tyler would check his body, sobbing over him when he saw the hickey's covering his hips. that's when tyler started hated josh. 

 

and himself. 

 

when josh was home, tyler shut himself in his room, telling josh that he wasn't hungry or that he had a headache. sometimes, on really good days, josh would come in and hold him. he would wrap tyler up in his lean, muscular arms and whisper soft words to him. like how beautiful he was or how much he loved him. then tyler would cry himself into exhaustion, waking up to a cold and empty bed. and when he saw josh next, neither would say anything to each other. josh just fell asleep on the couch while tyler cried in that cold, empty bed. 

 

the fights started not long after that. 

 

josh was drunk the first time he hit tyler, and he immediately apologized. he kissed the rapidly bruising cheek, wiped his tears away, then fucked him hard into the mattress of their bed. tyler didn't say a word the whole night. he just cried and moaned. 

 

tyler thought that meant things would get better. that maybe josh would finally stop drinking and working later and... sleeping around. but nothing changed. if anything, it got worse. 

 

josh would be gone for days at a time, and when he came back, he was so angry. he shouted at tyler for little things. not doing the dishes. not doing their laundry. he screamed at him for nearly thirty minutes because he didn't make the goddamn bed. he didn't even go easy on him when tyler started to sob. he begged to josh that he was "sorry" and that he was going to change. but this would only make josh more upset. and when he was finally done picking tyler apart, he would storm from the house, leaving tyler to sob in the couch. once he was back, josh would ask if tyler wanted to fuck and he always said yes. it was the only time josh would tell him he loved him anymore. 

 

the went on for  _months_. tyler doesn't know why he stayed. the shouting only got worse. the hitting got worse. the sex was horrible. josh wouldn't even ask anymore. he'd just pin tyler down on the bed and fuck him.  _hard_. tyler never called it rape. he called it love. 

 

he remembered the day his mom found the first bruise. it was a dark purple one on his wrist and it scared her. she asked who did it. tyler lied. said it was a stupid bar fight. some homophobic asshole. but his mom wasn't dumb. she asked him to take off his shirt. when he said no much too defensively, she knew what was wrong. 

 

"is he... is he hitting you, baby?" 

 

tyler was outraged. 

 

"josh?" he asked, like that  _couldn't_ be possible. 

 

she nodded. 

 

they fought that night and that was the last time he saw his mom for his while. when he told josh, he  _laughed_. 

 

"have to be more careful next time, won't i, baby boy?" 

 

tyler locked himself in the bathroom that night and slept in the bathtub. his body hurt too much to be used anymore. his  _heart_  broken into a million little pieces. he knew he had to leave soon.

 

so why didn't he? 

 

slowly, things seemed to get better. they stopped having sex. josh didn't smell like perfume and liquor as much. he even slept beside him some nights. but he'd broken tyler so badly, that things just couldn't go back to normal. even when josh started giving him soft kisses in the morning and making him breakfast. even when tyler came home from work one afternoon to find a candlelit bath drawn from him. even when josh started  _asking_ about sex again. tyler was a broken wreak. 

 

"tyler?" josh whispered one morning while they spooned. tyler was tense as josh held him, silent tears making their way down his cheeks, scared what josh might do to him. he didn't even respond to his name being said. "do you think we should get married?" 

 

tyler's whole world stopped. married? to  _josh_? the man who called him worthless? the man who hit him? the man who  _raped_ him? he couldn't... he  _wouldn't_ marry him. 

 

"tyler? are you alright?" 

 

tyler didn't even process josh's words. he just shook his head. 

 

"no." he said bluntly, shaking josh off of him. "no i  _don't_ think we should get married." 

 

josh nearly laughed. tyler was joking. right? 

 

"ty-" 

 

" _ever_." 

 

when josh left the house, tyler did to. he packed up everything he could, wrote a letter to josh explaining that he was  _done_ , and went to his mom. and even if he was twenty-seven and it wasn't socially acceptable to sleep in your parents bed anymore, he did, sobbing into his moms arms the whole night. 

 

letters started coming in the mail a few weeks after that. they had no sender, only his moms address on the front. and when tyler opened the first one, he dropped it. the papers scattered to the ground and the words "found you" stared back at him. it was josh's handwriting. he knew it was. his mom told him to get a restraining order but tyler couldn't. part of him still loved josh. 

 

the letters became more frequent. first it was only every couple weeks. then every week. then every other day. then everyday. 

 

_tyler i miss you_

 

_you said you loved me. don't you still?_

 

_i can get you a ring. a big one. a shiny one. i know you love jewelry_

 

_come back, baby boy. the apartment misses you. i miss you_

 

_you can't get away from me tyler_

 

_i know where you are_

 

_i won't let you go_

 

_tomorrow_

 

after tyler got the letter that said 'tomorrow' (and nice long panic attack with his mother) he got the restraining order. his mom told him she was proud of him. she could see that he was really moving on from josh. 

 

and he was. 

 

until the restraining order was up. 

 

and for some goddamn reason tyler didn't renew as soon as possible. so that's probably why josh was standing at in the doorway of his new apartment, nearly eight months after they had broken up. and why tyler was having a panic attack. 

 

the second josh stepped into his home, tyler started crying. he backed away as far as he could, his back hitting a wall eventually. he slide down, burying his head between his knees as he let out loud broken sobs. he'd worked so hard to forget about everything josh had done to him, and now here he was. standing in his living room. causing this break down. 

 

"ty-" 

 

"no..." tyler sobbed, his whole body beginning to shake. "josh... you-you can't-" 

 

"oh, baby boy," 

 

josh's arms wrapped around him quickly and then tyler was screaming, thrashing,  _begging_ , that he didn't touch him. that he had to leave right now because tyler couldn't deal with this. he couldn't look at josh any longer without remembering, without _feeling_ how much josh had hurt him.

 

"tyler, i'm not leaving you like this," josh whispered. tyler whimpered. "i won't leave you on your own again."

 

tyler sobbed as josh scooped him up easily, cradling him like a baby. he shushed him as he eased onto the sofa, the one tyler had just bought to go into his brand new apartment. the only place with no memories of josh.  now every piece of his life that josh had tainted was flooding back all at once. he had to get to his phone. he needed his mom.

 

"josh, please..." tyler begged, pushing away from josh. his grip tightened on the thin boy. "i don't... i don't want this," he mumbled into josh's shirt, tears and snot staining it. he didn't matter how awful josh was. the arms around him still soothed him somehow. maybe he remembered, before it went bad, when tyler would have dark days and josh would spend the entire day holding him while they watched stupid cooking shows and didn't talk. somewhere, deep in tyler... he still loved josh.

 

"i don't love you."

 

the words came out clear, almost calm if it wasn't for the sobs tearing past his throat. and the second they came out... tyler regretted it.

 

josh's once calm exterior, turned to aggression in a matter of seconds. he threw tyler off his lap, tyler whimpering as his body made contact with the hard wood floor. he tried to back away from josh, tried to stand and make a dash for his phone, his keys, the fucking door so he could get help, but he couldn't. he wouldn't. 

 

" _you don't love me!?_ " 

 

tyler cried when josh's shoe clad foot gave a swift kick to his middle. he clutched his stomach, tried to protect his weak body, but josh was too fast. once his stomach was covered, josh moved to his legs. once his legs were curled in on himself, he went for his arms. once his arms were between his body and legs... josh went for the head. 

 

he kicked him.  _hard_. tyler didn't know how he didn't go unconscious instantly. he honestly wasn't sure how he didn't die. he just remembered hearing a startled gasp, the dialing on a phone, and a choked. "i'm sorry, baby boy. i understand now." 

 

the rest was black. 

 

 

the next time tyler woke up, it was to a soft beeping and muffled crying. the second his eyes were open, he saw his mom and everything felt a bit better. 

 

"m-ma..." 

 

tyler's mom turned around quickly, tears rushing down her face, before running to his side, enveloping him in as much of a hug as she could manage. he hissed in pain when she pressed onto his stomach too hard. "oh, baby," she whispered, reaching up and touching his bruised cheek. tyler attempted a smile. he failed. 

 

nearly half of tyler's ribs had been fractured, his wrist had been broken, no, fucking shattered, and he had a severe concussion. and apparently he had been sleeping for almost a week. when he asked about josh, no one answered. his mom told him it wasn't a good time to think about him. that he needed to rest and get healthy again. 

 

it was two weeks later, when he was finally being released from the hospital, that someone answered his questions. 

 

"what happened to josh, ma?" tyler asked as his mother helped him changed out of his hospital clothes. she went rigid, clearing her throat, as if she was thinking about actually answering this time. tyler wished she hadn't. he wished he never knew what happened to josh. 

 

she smiled as she answered. "josh is dead, honey," she said smoothly. calmly. tyler stared back at her. "he called the police, f-for you of course, and by the time they got there... josh was dead. he slit his wrists." tyler felt tears build in his eyes and he didn't understand why. didn't this mean he was free? could he finally start healing? "i'm sorry, baby, i know this must be a lot but-" 

 

"did he write a note?" tyler asked, disregarding everything his mother said and was going to say. 

 

she sighed. "yeah but we threw it away. you didn't need to see that," tyler squeezed his eyes shut. "that boy, tyler, was crazy. and you know that. he hurt you. he-" 

 

"he loved me," tyler said quietly. "he loved me until the end and that's why he... he did that." 

 

"tyler-" 

 

"please leave," tyler said. his mother didn't move. "i need a few moments to myself. to... to process. please." 

 

she smiled gently, cupping his cheek in her hand. "ok. i'll be right outside the room. for when you're ready to go." 

 

once tyler was alone, he brought his knees to his chest, ignoring the ache it formed from his still mangled body, and laughed. he laughed at how fucked up all this was. he laughed at how even after everything josh did to him... he still said he loved him. that josh only hurt him because he loved him. how does that make sense? he laughed because... he was free. once josh was gone... he could heal. right? 

 

he was alone now. 

 

because in the end the only thing that truly parts us... is death. 

 

right? 

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh im so sorry this is super depressing. 
> 
> i just want to say that i do not condone abusive relationships. nothing i wrote about the relationship between josh and tyler in this is beautiful or "artsy" to me. relationships like these are toxic and horrible. if you are struggling with one yourself or someone you are close to, im gonna put some links in below so if you need help you can get some. this stuff is serious and can be scary. im also putting a link for rape/non-con info for anyone struggling with that as well. please take care of yourself and be safe. <3
> 
> http://www.abuseandrelationships.org/  
> http://www.thehotline.org/  
> https://www.rainn.org/


End file.
